When You Know Read online

  ****

  Jenna settled herself down onto her bed. She was showered, warm, and ready to face the music. She lifted her phone and noticed the voicemail symbol. Jenna thought carefully. Did she want a heads up about the true level of Susan’s anger, or would she rather just call and get the ear bashing over with? Her finger hovered over the screen, unsure of her preference. Yep, she thought, pressing the voicemail button. Better to know where Susan was at.

  Jenna leaned back on the pillow and pulled her knees into her chest, listening to the staccato voice telling her she had four new messages.

  “10.45 p.m. Saturday 22nd February: J-Jenna, hey, it’s, it’s me. I, umm, I miss you.”

  Jenna sat up, shocked at the way Susan’s voice was wobbling. She turned up the volume and pressed the phone harder into her ear. Susan was sniffing back a tear and telling her she didn’t have any friends. There was a cough and an abrupt end to the call. “Shit,” said Jenna, inhaling nervously.

  “10.49 p.m. Saturday 22nd February: Sorry, right, ignore that last message please. I’m fine.”

  Jenna nodded and relaxed momentarily before freezing once again as Susan started to cry and tell her she had no friends. “Susan, what are you doing?” gasped Jenna, moving on to the third message.

  “10.51 p.m. Saturday 22nd February: Sorry I ended the call. You’re going to get these messages, aren’t you? You’re going to hear me stuttering away like a lunatic.”

  “Yes, I am,” said Jenna in total shock, wincing as she heard Susan call herself friendless, bumbling and somewhat dramatic. Jenna shook her head. She had been expecting a flood of angry voicemails chastising her for forgetting to call, accusing her of messing around, or getting too drunk, but not this. This actually seemed a little bit worse. Susan was falling apart.

  “3.55 a.m.: Hey, you always sleep with your phone on loud, so I’m assuming you don’t want to talk to me, and you’re well within your rights to take that course of action.”

  Jenna shook her head. It was 4.55 a.m. over here. I wasn’t even in yet! I didn’t take my phone out! She closed her eyes and dropped her head back down to the pillow as she heard Susan taking her last breath and declaring she was dying. “Fuck,” said Jenna ending the call and dropping the phone onto the bed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” Susan thought she was ignoring her because of her dramatics. Jenna thought carefully. Would she have ignored these dramatics? No, of course not. She would have phoned her straight away and reassured her. Right, she thought, nodding to herself, that’s exactly what I need to do now.

  Jenna scrolled to her recent contacts and tapped Susan’s name, listening to the international dial tone with bated breath. “Susan?” she said as the line connected.

  “Hi.”

  “Hey, how are you? Sorry, no, I know how you are. You’re not great. I’ve listened to your voice messages. Okay, so gorgeous, where do I start?” Jenna sighed. “I want to start by reassuring you that—”

  “How about you start by explaining the tequila dripping from your tits at two a.m. this morning.”

  Jenna sat upright. “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  “What tequila? What are you talking about?”

  “Well I’m looking at a picture of you topless, sitting on a bar with what looks like the barmaid pouring tequila down your chest and I think it looks like two women on their knees with their mouths open trying to catch the drips from your nipples.”

  “Susan! What are you talking about? What are you looking at?”

  “Oh, and here’s another one. Your bra’s back on but it looks like you’re leading some sort of conga with a huge inflatable penis between your legs. Oh, and here’s another one of you in the background at the bar with a mystery blonde. And here you are again with two pint glasses wearing someone’s sombrero.”

  Jenna could hear Susan tapping what she assumed was her laptop. “Susan. Stop. What are you looking at?”

  “I don’t know, Jenna. Why don’t you tell me?”

  Jenna rubbed her temples in the silence. “Has someone sent you some photos? Who would do that? Who would send you photos?”

  “No, it’s worse than that, Jenna. There are photos littering the internet of you practically naked for everyone to see.”

  “Where? On the Club Ski site? On the nightclub photo page? Where have you found these, Susan?”

  “So you’re not denying it then?”

  “Susan, stop. Can we just calm down for a minute?”

  “No we cannot calm down, Jenna! You’re meant to be my girlfriend. You’re meant to stay faithful.”

  “I have stayed faithful!”

  “Have you?”

  “Yes, Susan, I have!”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “What?” Jenna shook her head, unable to follow what was going on.

  “I said I don’t believe you.”

  Jenna sighed. “You didn’t believe me at ten forty-five last night, or ten forty-nine, or ten fifty-one, or—”

  “So it’s my fault then? You heard my stupid messages and just thought sod it?”

  “No! I haven’t done anything wrong!”

  “What, apart from get naked and chat up blondes at the bar?”

  “Susan, where have you seen these pictures?”

  “They’re available for everyone to see on Facebook.”

  “You’re not on Facebook.”

  “I am now.”

  “You’re snooping?”

  “No, I’m making friends.”

  “With who?”

  “Ouch,” said Susan. “Was that a dig?”

  “No! I meant which friends have shown you these pictures?”

  “I found them.”

  “Where?”

  “On Amber’s site.”

  “You’re friends with Amber? You’re not friends with Amber, surely? You must have been snooping?”

  “No. She has an open profile. Everyone can see everything she posts.”

  Jenna shook her head. “Only if you click on her site to snoop. Susan, I was calling to talk about your messages. They worried me.”

  “Really? Well this worries me.”

  “Why are you snapping? What have I done wrong?”

  “You didn’t call me! And now I know why!”

  “I didn’t take my phone out! I didn’t know you’d left ten billion messages for me. I didn’t get in until five a.m.”

  “Ten billion? So why couldn’t you call, or text? Did you have company?”

  “No! Susan stop! Just stop!”

  “Fine. I’ll stop,” said Susan, ending the call.

  ****

  Susan held the phone as tightly as she could. Her hand was shaking. Jenna had called too soon. Jenna had caught her off guard. She shook her head. Jenna hadn’t denied it. She looked up at her laptop screen. How could she deny it? The evidence was there for all to see. She scrolled through the pictures, jumping as her phone rang again. She jabbed the answer button and started to speak. “I’m glad you’ve called back because there are more. You’re—” Susan stopped as Jenna’s strong voice interrupted her. It was calm and controlled, yet very firm.

  “Can you tell me please, exactly what it is you think that I’ve done?”

  Susan was disappointed that her voice sounded so shrill in comparison. “What haven’t you done, Jenna? Look, there’s another one here of you on some man’s shoulders.”

  “So?”

  “So?! So you’re my girlfriend.”

  “And what would you like me to do?”

  “I’d like you to show me some respect.” Susan scrunched up her face as she realised how ridiculous that sounded.

  “No problem,” said Jenna, “I’ll order a hijab from Amazon. Or would you prefer it if I went for the full length black burka instead? I’ll walk ten paces behind you as well if you want.”

  Susan couldn’t help but smile. “Stop it.”

  “Or I could wear a hijab and a burka, and I could finish off the look with a black bin
bag, which would work quite well actually as the whole ensemble has to be waterproof if I’m skiing in it. But I’ll only ski behind you, and I’ll try and make sure the snow doesn’t make too much noise as I slide over it.”

  “Stop it,” said Susan unable to hold back a laugh.

  “I’ll look great shooting down the slopes in a big black burka. The dress bit can’t be too long though as it might get tangled in my skis. I wonder if Amazon do different colours? It would be nice to mix it up a bit.”

  Susan laughed. “Okay, point taken. I’m sorry. I knew I sounded stupid the moment I said it.”

  “So why say it at all? Why say the things you said to me on the phone last night?”

  Susan could feel herself blushing. “Like what?”

  “Oh, that you’re a total loser and you feel like you’re dying.”

  “I am though, aren’t I? I’m handling this all wrong.”

  “Can we Skype? Can you just listen?”

  Susan nodded. “I’d like that. I’m sorry.”

  “I’m sorry too. Give me five minutes to fire up my laptop.”

  “Of course,” said Susan, closing down the Facebook page and opening up the Skype tab instead. “See you in a minute.”

  “I look forward to it.”

  “Me too.”

  ****

  Jenna jumped off the bed and grabbed her laptop from the holdall that she still hadn’t properly unpacked. She flipped the lid and switched it on, quickly pulling some pieces of A4 paper from the bottom drawer of her cabinet and reaching for a large felt marker. She started to write, clicking her computer in the direction of Skype as she went.

  ****

  Susan sat on her tall stool and stretched out her arms. The vision of Jenna skiing the slopes in a full length body burka made her smile once more. I’m such an idiot, she said to herself as she replayed the conversation over in her mind. I’m the one who was snappy. I’m the one who was out of control. I’m the one who should be apologising. Susan looked at the screen and noticed that Jenna had come online. She clicked on her name and waited for the beeping to connect. Susan almost lost her breath as Jenna’s face smiled out at her. It was as if she had forgotten how truly beautiful she really was. “Jenna I’m so sorry—”

  Jenna put her finger to her lips and held up the first piece of paper. “SUSAN,” it said.

  Susan gasped. Jenna’s eyes were smiling over the top of the writing. Susan watched as Jenna lifted the next piece of A4.

  “I LOVE YOU.” The writing was large, filling the screen.

  “YOU ARE MY WORLD.”

  Susan bit her bottom lip as Jenna continued to lift sign after sign.

  “MY EVERYTHING.”

  Susan smiled at the sicky face that had been drawn on the next one. “I GOT DRUNK.”

  Jenna lifted another sheet. “I’M SORRY.”

  Susan started to speak. “It’s fine, I—” but Jenna returned her finger to her lips.

  “BUT I PROMISE YOU THIS…”

  “I WAS FAITHFUL.”

  “I WILL ALWAYS BE FAITHFUL.”

  “I’VE FOUND YOU NOW.”

  “AND I’M NEVER LETTING YOU GO.”

  Susan swallowed a tear at the drawing of the two stick women who had their arms wrapped around each other.

  Jenna spoke for the first time. “Okay, last one. Are you ready?”

  Susan nodded.

  “Me in a burka.” Jenna lifted the sketch of a mountain and an angry black scribble. She smiled. “I wasn’t unfaithful, Susan, and I didn’t deliberately not call. I only listened to your messages twenty minutes ago. My phone died and I’ve been out all day, and yes I did get drunk, but I just had fun with my friends, like I always do. I was talking about you all night, Susan. You have to believe me.”

  “I do. I’m sorry. It’s me who should be apologising.” She smiled. “You can put that sign down now.” Susan watched as Jenna sheepishly lowered the drawing. “You are so beautiful and I’m such a total idiot.”

  “You? No, it’s me. I promise you I had every intention of getting home early.” She smiled. “I wanted to continue our FaceTime fun. But then two of the ski reps randomly got engaged so we started to celebrate.”

  “Jenna, you don’t have to explain.”

  “I want to explain. I love you, Susan, and yes, it’ll take us both a while to adjust and get this right. But we can, I know we can. I tried to call you this morning but my phone died and I was off all day with a group of execs and—”

  “It’s fine.”

  “Do you forgive me?”

  Susan shook her head. “There’s nothing to forgive. I’m the one with the crazy behaviour. I just acted like a totally controlling, insecure horror of a girlfriend.”

  Jenna sucked gently on her bottom lip. “Do you, umm, do you want to talk about it?”

  “What? My emotional breakdown? No, not really. I just missed you.”

  “But you’re going to miss me every day, I hope, and you can’t keep calling yourself a friendless loser who’s on death’s door just because I’m not around.”

  Susan grimaced. “It wasn’t quite like that, was it?”

  “It was.”

  “I’m sorry. I just wanted to feel like I had a life. But it turns out I don’t. Marcus bloody Ramsbottom has more of a life than I do.”

  “Oh, you said yesterday that I had to remind you about Marcus and Daisy.”

  Susan took a deep breath. “Well, Marcus is being investigated for inappropriate behaviour.”

  “About time too.”

  “And they want me to write a report.”

  “Good. Give him hell.”

  “No, he’s a colleague.”

  “Yes, a shit one. What about Daisy?”

  Susan smiled. “It’s not as simple as that with Marcus.”

  “Yes it is. So what about Daisy?”

  “No it isn’t. He thinks I’m going to write him a glowing character reference.”

  “Well you’re not. Tell me about Daisy. Remember Daisy, the one Marcus showed his tiny tiddler to?”

  “He didn’t, it was an accident.”

  “Irrelevant. Anyway. What’s Daisy’s news? Has she snared her boyfriend yet?”

  Susan smiled. “You tell me. She said you gave her a plan.”

  “No, I just ordered her a spot of make-up. It should be arriving tomorrow.”

  “Jenna, you shouldn’t have done that.”

  “I wanted to. They’re tight for cash remember. Daisy was telling me how all of the other Year Sevens have started to wear mascara and eyeliner, so I bought her a beginner’s make-up set. It’s got tons of things in it. You should have seen her little face when she watched me click buy.”

  “Jenna, the girls are only allowed to wear a dab of blusher and a dash of mascara, and that’s only in Year Nine and upwards.”

  “Oh they all wear it, Susan. It’ll be fine.”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “It will be.” Jenna smiled. “Everything will be fine, and I’m not just talking about little Daisy Button here. We’re going to get this down. We’re going to make this work.”

  “I hope so.”

  Jenna moved closer to the screen. “Trust me, Susan.”

  Susan smiled. “You know what? I do.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Susan was standing in front of the chalkboard in room 3A. Four days had passed since her slight argument with Jenna, and things were certainly looking up. They had managed to get into a nice routine of early morning phone call, afternoon Skype session, and late night text chat. Susan smiled to herself. Jenna was often hung over and half asleep during their morning calls, relying on the extra couple of hours in bed while Susan started her classes for the day. The afternoon Skype sessions were always lovely, with both relaying important information about their days, and Jenna occasionally having to explain a photo that Susan had accidentally spotted on someone else’s timeline. But it was the late night texts chats that were the funniest. Very random and very
raunchy, with Jenna mostly two sheets to the wind, encouraging Susan to misbehave.

  Susan wrote the question, “Who believes in ghosts?” on the board, before taking a seat and waiting for her class. She smiled again, knowing that Jenna would be smiling too. It was love, and neither could deny it.

  Susan felt the flutter of butterflies wash over her as her phone beeped once more. It was 2.00 p.m. in the UK which meant Jenna must have stopped for an afternoon break, and from this latest picture message it looked like she was in a wooden mountaintop toilet cubicle of sorts. She was holding her ski jacket up and pulling the braces from her salopettes taut over her breasts. Come flick my bits, was the caption.

  Susan typed quickly. I can’t see any bits. Show me something worth seeing, and hurry. Class due any second. PS: How can you make ski gear look so hot??? Susan switched the phone to silent and stood up, welcoming the first of her Year Sevens into the room. “Smile,” she said, “you’ve only got two lessons left.”

  The little girl looked shocked. Madam Quinn was never usually so cheery. “Are we still on God?” she asked.

  Susan Quinn pointed at the board. “Sort of. We’re looking more generally at beliefs today.”

  Margaret Beauchamp entered the room. “We’re not still on God are we?”

  “Is it more God stuff this week?” asked Prudence Frinton-Smith as she found her desk at the front.

  “Girls, this is politics and philosophy. God’s bound to crop up every now and then.”

  “It’s God again,” said Prudence Frinton-Smith to Cordelia Buckingham as Cordelia Buckingham took a seat next to her.