When You Know Read online

  “Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  “Have fun!” said Jenna, immediately turning back to her colleagues. “No I wouldn’t.”

  “You would!” Amber laughed. “Remember that time you had that girlfriend for a week. You kept getting us to accidentally bump into you so we could turn it into a group night out instead.”

  “But she wasn’t Susan. Susan’s special.”

  Amber smirked. “You can say that again.”

  “Hey, I liked Susan,” said Lisa. “Do you think you’ll see her again?”

  “She’s my girlfriend! Of course I’ll see her again!”

  Lisa sucked on her straw, watching the purple liquid wind its way around loop after loop before finally reaching her lips. She swallowed quickly and bowed her head, ready for another go. “But she’s in a different country.”

  “And I’ll be there in three months too.”

  Amber reached for Hugo’s bottle of Bud. “Three months is like a lifetime in lesbian lovers for you. Why don’t you just put her out of her misery and end things now?”

  “This is love! I’m in love!”

  “Oh no,” laughed Lisa, “not another evening of you declaring how you’d catch a grenade for her.”

  Jenna started to sing. “I’d throw my hand on a blade for her.”

  “Enough!” shouted Amber.

  “I’d jump in front of a train for her.”

  Lisa was giggling. “Okay, we get it.”

  Jenna paused. “So leave me alone!” She grinned. “Or I’ll bore you with a long list of her good points. She ticks every single box, she really does.”

  Amber grimaced. “I can’t quite imagine that’s true.”

  “It is! She’s perfect. I’ve honestly found the perfect woman.”

  Amber folded her arms. “Sexually.” She grimaced again. “You can’t possibly tell me that that nerdy teacher from three weeks ago with that Cotton Traders fleece and flat hair, is some kind of crazy cat in bed.”

  Jenna laughed. “She is. She’s a crazy cat.”

  “You lesbians confuse me,” said Lisa, shaking her head.

  “I’m not a lesbian,” corrected Amber.

  “Okay, but you were.”

  “No, I dabbled, but the dramatics annoyed me.” She glared at Jenna. “Men are much simpler creatures.”

  Lisa nodded. “Okay, so you’re greedy, but still.” She took a long slurp of drink. “My point is, how can she be crazy? How can anything be crazy when there are no trains and tunnels involved?”

  Jenna laughed. “Having a tunnel’s nothing to be proud of.” She brought her hands together and made an echoing sound. “Echo, echo, echo, echo.”

  Lisa reached out and hit Jenna on the arm. “You know what I mean. Sometimes the train can enter from the back, sometimes the front. I guess it can enter from all sorts of angles.” She smiled. “Sometimes the train can even take a detour and silence the squealing.”

  Amber pulled a face. “What are you talking about?”

  “Blow jobs,” said Jenna. “Lisa here thinks us lesbians can’t do positions because we don’t have the hotdog to fill the bun.”

  “What?”

  Jenna shrugged. “The boat to moor in the dock.”

  “The what?”

  Jenna laughed. “The disk for the hard drive.”

  “I’ve got a laptop.”

  “Oh Amber! She’s asking us what we do.”

  Amber looked at Jenna and smirked. “What we do? Now that would be telling.”

  Lisa lifted her eyes to her colleagues. “Are you two still?”

  “No!” gasped Jenna.

  Amber moaned. “But if we were we’d be kissing and cupping, and licking and sucking, and touching and teasing, and squeezing and pleasing. Not to mention all the pulling and grabbing, and thrusting and slamming, and—”

  “Whoa, stop!” shouted Lisa. “Thrusting? Yeah right. With what?”

  Amber nodded towards the fishbowl at Jenna’s fingers. “She’s very skilled.”

  “I’m just going to sit and drink until you’ve finished,” said Jenna, tightening her grip around the curved glass.

  “But they’re fingers!” said Lisa. “It’s not like she’s got a huge penis pushing out of her peter pointer.”

  Amber nodded again. “Look how delicate they are.” She nodded under the table at Lisa’s legs. “Think how delicate you are. She’s like a professional pianist playing a calming concerto that builds beautifully into a crashing climactic crescendo at the end.” Amber took a swig of her beer. “And if you want your tunnel filled you just turn out the toys. Dildos, vibrators, strap-ons, plugs, balls, eggs, wands—”

  “Stop!” said Jenna, “I can’t drink anymore.”

  “It’s true though,” nodded Amber, “lesbians have the best of both worlds. They get the delicate fingers that actually know where they’re going and what they’re doing, and they also get the choice of internal implement.” She shrugged. “Not like you straight women who get a bloke and a cock.”

  Jenna laughed. “You said you were straight.”

  “Why would anyone be straight when you spin it like that?” said Lisa. “Go and call her back, Jenna. Have some fun while you can!”

  “How many times do I need to say this? I’m in love. I’ve found the one. I’m behaving!”

  Amber scrunched up her nose. “You’ve hardly been tested, Jenna.”

  “I know,” said Lisa. “What happens when you’re cornered by some hot blonde?”

  “Yeah,” added Amber, lifting her leg under the table and moving it between Jenna’s thighs. “What happens if you can’t resist?”

  Lisa carried on. “You can’t resist the hot blonde who’s clearly on a mission to find you.”

  Amber leaned her chest over the table. “What about the pink haired rep, who’s after a re-run?”

  “The blonde who’s—”

  “Stop saying blonde!” snapped Amber, dropping back down into her seat.

  “But she is blonde,” said Lisa, “and she’s looking for you.”

  Jenna frowned. “Who?”

  “Yep,” nodded Lisa, raising her hand, “and she’s seen you.”

  Jenna turned around and watched Jade, flanked by the three male execs, making her way to their table. “Hey,” said Jenna as they approached. “How are you guys? I thought you were out in Morzine tonight?”

  Bill, the eldest of the group spoke up. “Jade insisted we tried Les Gets, and I must say it’s jolly lively over here. We’ve moved from bar to bar to bar.”

  “Come join us,” said Amber with a smile.

  “No, they’ve probably got other plans, especially if they’re doing a bar crawl.”

  “Thirsty Thursdays at a cocktail bar?” Jade was nodding approvingly. “I’m not sure we’ll find any need to move on from here. Shall I get us some drinks? They’re bound to have Dom Perignon.”

  Bill patted the breast pocket of his jacket. “My round. I’ll get us a couple of bottles. Is Champagne okay for everyone?”

  Lisa and Amber sat up taller in their seats, discreetly trying to distance themselves from the purple coloured fishbowl. “Yes perfect, thank you.”

  Amber looked at the two younger men. “What type of execs are you?”

  “We’re bankers,” they said in unison.

  Lisa and Amber shared a glance. “We’re single.”

  Jenna sighed. “Shall I finish the fishbowl then?”

  “I’ll give you a hand with that,” said Jade, edging into the booth and forcing Jenna into Hugo’s seat against the wall. Jade smiled and looked up at her colleagues. “Pete, Paul.” She nodded towards the booth opposite. “It looks like they’re leaving. There won’t be enough room in here for us all. Grab it if you can.”

  The two young men turned around and secured the booth. “Are you ladies joining us?” they shouted to Lisa and Amber, who were already clambering out of their seats.

  “You bet!” giggled Lisa.

  The men nodded at thei
r colleague. “You can stay where you are, Jade. We’ll wave at you from a distance.”

  “With pleasure,” said Jade, twisting around in her seat and facing Jenna. “You don’t mind, do you? I could do with some peace and quiet.”

  Jenna heard the over-the-top flirtatious laughter of her friends, and smiled. “You know what, I don’t.”

  “And here we go.” Bill was back at the table with the two large bottles. “Oh. Where are they?”

  Jade pointed towards the foursome.

  “Oh, right. I’ll, err, I’ll drop off a bottle. That lovely barmaid said she’d bring over the glasses.” Bill turned on his heels and took the Dom Perignon to the booth opposite. He returned and glanced down at the girls. “Should I slip in here, or should I add a chair to their table? What a quandary.”

  Jenna nodded to the empty bench recently vacated by Amber and Lisa. “Sit down, Bill.”

  “You ladies don’t want an old fuddy duddy like me spoiling your giggles, and they certainly don’t want a distraction to their wooing rituals.” He placed the second bottle down on the table. “No. It’s decided. I’m going to meander my way back to Morzine and take in the stars.”

  “Sit down, Bill,” said Jenna.

  “No. I’m bidding my leave.” He reached back into the breast pocket of his jacket and removed his wallet. “Just make sure you have a great night,” he said, placing two hundred euro notes on the table.

  “Bill, there’s no need,” said Jade.

  “I insist. Enjoy.”

  “No, Bill.” Jenna watched as the older man crossed the room and said his goodbyes to the booth opposite. She also watched the way Amber picked up the hundred euro notes that he’d placed on their table too. She was tilting them in the light and gasping. Jenna frowned. “Why’s he left us all so much money?”

  Jade shrugged. “We’ll want another bottle, no doubt. But it’s embarrassing really. I earn double his salary.”

  Jenna shunned the posh bottle of plonk and stuck her straw back in the fishbowl. “I’m training to be a teacher.”

  “No? Really?”

  Jenna took a quick sip and nodded. “I’ve put in my application form for a school-based programme and I’m waiting to hear if I’m needed on interview.”

  “Is the salary good?”

  “No clue,” said Jenna, taking a longer sip and grimacing slightly, unable to stop her eyes from wandering back towards the expensive bottle.

  “Doesn’t that matter?”

  “Not really,” said Jenna, sitting up straighter and giving up on the toxic beverage. “If you enjoy your job then you never work a day in your life.”

  Jade looked confused. “I thought you enjoyed your job already? You’re a wonderful ski rep.”

  “I do. I just think it’s time for a change.”

  Jade lifted the bottle of Dom Perignon and started to pour. “Do you have much experience?”

  “I teach kids all the time. Some start skiing at the age of three; then I have the sulky sixteen year olds, and the—”

  “Yes but schools are different, aren’t they? Doesn’t your life suddenly become completely constricted?”

  “I’m not sure. I just know I’m ready for something more serious. I always run stage school classes in the summer months, and that’s pretty similar to what I’ll be doing.”

  “You’ll teach drama?”

  Jenna nodded. “My degree’s in drama. I got a first from Durham.”

  “A first from Durham? Wow. You could work in the city with me!”

  “Not with a drama degree. What would I be? The evening entertainment for you lot when you sell some shares?”

  “You could be my evening entertainment.”

  Jenna ignored the blue eyes that were twinkling in her direction. “It just feels right.”

  “It does, doesn’t it?”

  Jenna picked up one of the freshly poured glasses and took a swig, ready to recite a really bad joke. “Ooo,” she said instead, “this is delicious.”

  Jade lifted up the other glass and offered it out as a toast. “I think you’ll be a brilliant teacher.”

  “Really?”

  Jade smiled. “Yes, really. You’re a natural. None of my instructors have ever managed to sort out my strange left turns. But you spotted them and fixed them within the first hour.”

  “Just doing my job.”

  “I think it was the physical element of your instruction that helped. What’s it called? Kinesthesiology? The way you held my hip as you twisted me round.”

  Jenna laughed and said it again. “Just doing my job.”

  “Well you do it really well.” She moved in closer. “And I’d love some more instruction from you if there’s any on offer.”

  “Skiing?”

  “What’s your second subject?”

  “Glasses,” said Lyndsey, slamming the tray on the table. “I take it our date’s off later then?”

  Jenna rolled her eyes. “Lyndsey, this is Jade: she’s been in my ski group for the week. Jade, this is Lyndsey, a friend.”

  “A friend she’s fucked,” added Lyndsey, turning to her competition. “Seriously, you’re better off leaving now. She’s a player, and I for one don’t like being played.” She lifted the empty beer bottles off the table. “That’s the last time I fill your fishbowl for free, Jenna James.”

  Jenna shook her head. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t, it wasn’t …” She sighed as she watched the waitress walk back to the bar. “I didn’t promise her a date.”

  “Hey, I’m pleased,” said Jade. “You’re a player. I like to play.”

  ****

  Amber stretched out her arm, angling her phone in the direction of the booth opposite. She took the shot and smiled. “All bets are on,” she said, opening Facebook and posting the picture.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Susan slumped down on her bed. Something was irritating her but she wasn’t sure what. She closed her eyes and let out an elongated sigh. She knew what. It was Marcus and his non-stop badgering. It was Dorothy and her non-stop badgering. It was Priggy and Champagne and their non-stop— Susan stopped herself. She was missing Jenna. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t get things right. Jenna hadn’t forced her to take the photos, and Jenna certainly didn’t know that Marcus was going to barge in and see them. But yet she’d blamed her. She’d blamed Jenna. The person she was meant to love.

  Susan opened her eyes and rubbed her temples. No one had told her it was going to be this hard. No one had prepared her for the anxieties, or the angst that other people’s comments would cause. Priggy and Champagne were in contact with her girlfriend on WhatsApp. Why did that matter? Why did that bother her so much? Was it jealousy? Or was it the thought that Jenna still had parts of her life that were secret, closed off to her? Susan rolled her eyes at herself. It wasn’t a secret. She probably had loads of people contacting her through numerous avenues both day and night. Jenna was allowed a life. Jenna was entitled to do as she pleased. Susan felt the emotion well up in her chest once again. But Jenna’s meant to be mine. Why’s she not asked me to join WhatsApp? She paused her thought and made a mental note to Google exactly what WhatsApp actually was.

  Susan turned onto her side and reached across the bedside cabinet for her phone. She checked the time. It was only 9.00 p.m., 10.00 p.m. in Morzine: far too early to try to start a text conversation. She pulled the bed throw higher around her chest and scrolled through her apps, wondering whether to check the ski report or read the local Morzine news instead. She sighed at her own uselessness. She didn’t really care that there had been fifteen centimetres of snowfall, or that eighty two of the eighty five ski lifts were open. She just knew she wanted to feel closer to Jenna. Susan checked the time once more. Their habit of late night texting tended to begin anywhere between midnight and 2.00 a.m. UK time, as soon as Jenna was home, safe, and settled in bed. Susan closed her eyes. She had three hours to wait. Often she’d drop off, relying on her loud message tone to wake her, tha
nkful for the few hours’ sleep she’d managed to get before their text chat began. Tonight, however, she felt restless. She adjusted her pillow and sat back up, swiping her phone to life once more. Maybe one little nose wouldn’t matter. She looked down as her finger hovered over the app she’d promised she’d delete.

  ****

  “So, show me once more,” giggled Jade, “I’ve forgotten the snap.”

  “You haven’t forgotten. Your left turns have been perfect all week.”

  Jade giggled again. “No, I seriously think I’ve forgotten. Finishing off this fishbowl has made me forget.”

  Jenna took a sip of Champagne. “I told you to leave it. This is so much better.”

  “No, I actually quite like the taste of this.” She sucked the final drop from the long twisting straw. “And you’re loving those bubbles, so it’s worked out okay.” She plumped up her pink lips. “It tastes like cordial, and I like trying new things. But stop changing the subject, you.” She smiled and looked out from under her long eyelashes. “Seriously, I’ve forgotten. You’re my instructor. It’s your job to help me. What if I fall over tomorrow when I’m trying to turn left, all because you refused to remind me tonight?”

  “Fine,” said Jenna reaching her arm over Jade’s shoulder and placing it at the top of her left thigh. “You’re skiing, you’re skiing, you’re skiing, you need to turn left, your weight moves onto your right ski.” She lifted the top of Jade’s buttock. “And SNAP, you lift your left leg round.”

  ****

  Amber smiled from the booth opposite. “And snap to you too,” she said, adding another caption.

  ****

  Susan clicked on the Facebook app and scrolled to the search button at the top. She hadn’t changed her photo, or added anything else to the site, and that, combined with her lack of friends, had made her profile a sorry state of affairs. She didn’t mind though, as her sole purpose for accessing the site had been to spy. Susan had promised to delete it, more for her own sanity than anything else, but the temptation was always there. The temptation to search Jenna’s friends and see what she could find. She was about to type in the name, Amber, when she noticed that her own white friends logo had suddenly turned red. She clicked on the link and studied the face that looked strangely familiar. Felicity Fenwick had requested her friendship. Susan found herself laughing out loud. Felicity Fenwick. Now she was a blast from the past. She had been in their class at St Wilfred’s and was one of those girls who always managed to find trouble wherever she went. Whether she was adapting her uniform to shorten her skirt, or screaming like a cat every time the teacher turned to face the board, she got in trouble, simple as that. Susan smiled again. Her favourite memory of Felicity had been when she’d covered Battle-Axe Brown’s car in bird seed in retaliation for a detention she didn’t think she deserved. Needless to say the messy white splatterings left on the pristine paintwork were well worth the hour she’d spent in the library doing lines.